Thursday, October 30, 2008

Gays against Same-Sex Marriage

Not all same-sex attracted persons support same-sex "marriage." Far from it! We've already blogged about the position of the philosopher Lee Harris. Reproduced below are the closing paragraphs from "What Homosexuals Want," an insightful article by Eve Tushnet, a same-sex attracted Catholic woman struggling, like all of us, to live a Christian life.

"At this point, the most common question that arises is, "So what? Okay, maybe marriage didn’t develop in response to same-sex couples, but c’mon – how can Bob and Jim getting married really affect your marriage?" There are three basic reasons to think same-sex marriage will damage, perhaps fatally, the institution of marriage – maybe not in this generation, but in the one that grows up with same-sex marriage as the norm.

The first reason is simple: This is America. This nation is built on the idea that even minorities can shape the culture they enter. Racial and ethnic minorities have already done so; no honest author could write a history of American culture without noting how much of it began as black culture, Jewish culture, and Irish culture. And from TV shows like "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" to subtler infusions of "camp" humor, homosexual culture is already affecting the majority culture.

The second reason is that homosexual activists are merely picking up on a trend begun by and for opposite-sex couples. Same-sex marriage is just the next step in the divorce culture. The belief that marriage is merely the way that our culture expresses its approval of atomistic adults’ sexual and romantic partnerships isn’t new – it’s the same "me generation" worldview that produced "fatherless America."

And finally, unlike easy divorce, same-sex marriage would change the fundamental ideal of marriage. Even the most ardent defenders of divorce today view it as a necessary evil, a response to the tragedy of marriage failure. Same-sex marriage by contrast, would say that the ideal marriage is gender neutral – not a way for boys to become men by marrying and pledging to care for women. It would say that the ideal marriage includes children only when they have been specially planned and chosen – children would become optional extras rather than the natural fruit and symbol of the spouses union. It would say that the ideal family need not include a father – a message that is especially pernicious in a country where one-third of births in 2000 were to unwed mothers. And it would say (because who can imagine that most homosexual couples would wed?) that marriage itself is optional, not the norm – that marriage is for heroes, and since you and I aren’t heroic, we must not be called to marry. Any one of these changes would be destructive. Put together, they are a recipe for disaster, a recipe for revisiting and surpassing the harm done to families by the "sexual revolution."

Marriage has taken a beating. Americans cohabit, we divorce, we remarry, we split our resources between several sets of children. But we still have hope that we may recover the true meaning of marriage, because we still know the ideal: the lifelong, fruitful union that makes boys into husbands and fathers, and reconciles the "opposite sexes" to one another. Same-sex marriage would mean losing that ideal and losing our best hope for marriage renewal."

7 comments:

D. Sundstrom said...

Thank you for your insightful post. I have no optimism that the world will hear the call to lose your life in order to find it, to leave passions and lusts and embrace the way of Jesus, the way of the cross, because they Cannot hear unless the Holy Spirit regenerates their hearts.
D. Sundstrom

Anonymous said...

I'm gay, not pious, but i don't support same sex marriages

Marks said...

I'm gay too, I personally don't support same sex marriage either, and I'm definitely not the only one. I just don't cry it out loud.
Thanks for the post.

Anonymous said...

I am a Roman Catholic gay male who does not support gay marriage, although civil unions are more acceptable in my view.

I have not been a good Christian as I have broken some commandments. I know that I need help, especially for my sins of the flesh which I have alluded to in my precious sentence. I pray for God's forgiveness. I want to go to confession, but I am terrified about having to explain my sexual sins. How can I go to Mass again, and take the Holy Communion without confession? Please pray for me. I need to come to terms with this. I am in a constant state of sorrow. Also, can someone please let me know what the Bible says about homosexuality as I don't see that aspect of my personhood changing. I am trying to be celibate right now, but I question if that is what is biblically expected of me.

Please pray for me.

Joe

Fr. John Malloy, SDB said...

Joe,

That you confess you need help from God is an indication of good will and assurance of God's love for you.

Your state of conscience is not very different from thousands of others plagued with the same problem. The priest has heard it all.

Here's an easy solution: go to a church which has old style confessionals where anonymity is maintained between priest and confessor.

Tell your sins simply, since exact numbers would often be obscured by years, or lack of surety as to the circumstances of the case.. Round numbers would be sufficient

Homosexual acts are sinful and would prevent your receiving the Eucharist--without confession.'

As a leader in the Roman Catholic Church Pope Benedict has long been concerned about homosexual behavior, taking the stance that there are different kinds of homosexuals. In 1975 he issued the "Declaration on Certain Questions Concerning Sexual Ethics" which delineated a difference between transitory and pathological homosexuality. However, even in denouncing homosexual behavior, he called for empathy and compassion.

Recent comments made by the Vatican about homosexuality and homosexual relationships have upset many people - but none more so than gays themselves who naturally object when their situation is called immoral, and evil.

There are many passages in the Bible where homosexual acts are declared sinful.

All things are possible with God helping you. Take courage. My prayers are with you.

Fr. John J. Malloy, SDB

Peter John said...

Without approving of or accomodating formal same-gender unions we need to have a renewed emphasis on Holy Matrimony as a vocation. The reality is that despite the best efforts of Catholics, against the world's misunderstanding that opposition to what some counterintuitively call "gay marriage" is inherently hateful and prejudiced, we may soon be living in a world where kindergartners playing house will be as likely to play mother/mother or father/father as father/mother roles. Despite our best efforts we may yet find ourselves immersed in a culture of legally enforced confusion in which our children will be encouraged to consider any nature of relationship in their future, and persecuted for disagreeing with that concept.

We need to reemphasize within Catholic and general Christian communities the importance of Holy Matrimony as a vocation equated with entering the Priesthood, the Diaconate, or a religious order. This can function much the same as the way Mormons have their emphasis on Temple Marriage as a goal given their children to set them apart from the world. That is, after all what the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony really is.

Achieving this will require exceptional examples from parents to demonstrate to their children that Holy Matrimony truly offers a blessed and desirable condition of life. Our actions speak louder than words, and our most vocal and active opposition to "gay marriage" will only turn our children away if we do not bless them with truly loving and safe environments, demonstrating Holy Matirmony as something desirable above the numerous culturally diverse relationship options society will throw at them.

Most important to this is the behavior of Fathers. Daughters and sons both need to see their Fathers just as actively engaged in a rich spiritual life as their Mothers, and need to see their parents share this richness with each other. They need to see in their Fathers that dependence on and devotion to the Lord is not a mark of weakness but a source of masculine strength, and they need to see the state and vocation of Holy Matrimony as crucial to this. Our sons will then, sooner or later, want to emulate such role models. Our daughters will demand man capable of providing such relationships themselves, and that demand will secure the future of Holy Matrimony as a social anchor amidst a sea of cultural turbulence regarding relationships.

Peter John said...

@Anonymous & @Marks : We need gay people who oppose "gay marriage" to speak up. The dialogue is incomplete without your voice, and the mopst educated and liberal thinkers among the heterosexual community who oppose it cannot have their reasonable arguments heard above the screams and accusations of prejudice against them. Gays opposed need to get as much notice as those trying to make it happen.